boring, boring, boring

I know, I know. I haven't written on this blog in forever. the problem with taking a break is that I might lose my loyal readership. So in order to prevent that, I decided to make a short entry here.
The problem is, my life is sort of boring right now and there's not a lot to write about. For example, all I do is study. Who wants to hear about that? It's not even really cool stuff either, it's diseases of carbohydrate metabolism and biochemical pathways and types of tests used for psychiatric disorders. All important stuff, but probably not interesting to any of you at this point.
What is interesting right now is all the peripheral stuff I'm learning. For example, I am feeling quite anxious about a number of things, like not having my practicum set up yet, worrying about getting licenses, not having very much money, wondering where my future is going, contemplating various and particular relationships....
the long and short of it is that I'm having to learn to trust God more. It's easier said than done.
I read this story in Matthew the other day about Jesus walking on the water. Peter saw him coming and said, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you!"
I thought, if it had of been me, I would have said, Lord, if it's you, make lightening spell out your name in the clouds. In other words, show me a sign that is unmistakable but that doesn't require me to put myself at any kind of risk.
Jesus just said to Peter, "come."
And Peter came, walking out on the water towards Jesus. Then he looked at the wind, the waves, and all the turmoil behind him and he began to sink and cried out to Jesus, "Lord, save me!"
Jesus immediately reached out his hand and grabbed Peter and helped him into the boat and said, "You of little faith! Why did you doubt?"
Why am I doubting, Lord? Well, have you seen the size of the waves?!!! Can you hear that wind? Do you realize how scary and out of control it is to walk on water?
But trusting God is less like seeing the lightening and being convinced God is real; trusting God is more like jumping out of a boat into a raging storm and keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus and believing that somehow I'm going to walk on water.
I think Peter's mistake was not when he jumped out of the boat, it was when he took his eyes off Jesus and looked at everything that was going on around him. Not only did it not make sense to his rational mind, but there was no possible way for it to turn out well.
But doesn't God delight in doing the impossible and blowing our little minds? At least, that's what I'm staking my hopes on these days!