Sometimes nursing sucks

I walked towards my med cart and there was one of my patients sitting there in his wheelchair, looking like he was ready to spit fire at me.
“It’s 8:20” He said. “I have been waiting for you to bring me my pills so I could eat my breakfast. There is simply no excuse for this.”
“I’m so sorry, I’m getting them right now.” I assured him hastily.
It had been a fairly busy morning, and I was still well within the ordered time for his drugs- not that they were anything critical, anyway, like pain medications, or something that had to be given on the minute.
“I can’t believe this.” He said, and wheeled away from me.
I popped his pills out of their blister packs and checked them against his chart and hurried after him.
“Here you are, sir.” I gave them to him with a glass of juice.
“I don’t want that juice!” He barked at me. “I want my pills on time!”
“You’ll have to excuse me this once.” I apologized graciously. “I’ll make sure they’re on time next time.”
He was still glaring at me and I asked helpfully, “What can I do for you?”
“You can disappear!” He shouted.
That is exactly what I would like to do, I thought. I went back to my med cart and continued preparing for other patients.
By the time I was finished with the morning meds I had mounds of paperwork piling up and one of my patients was pushing his call bell incessantly. I went down the hall to assess one of the patients, an old Scottish man. As I usually do, I knocked on the door as I entered and called out “Hello, Mr. Jones!” in a cheery voice.
“Get the f*** out of my f****** room !” He shouted at me from his bed.
“Uh oh!” I said laughingly, putting on my best Scottish accent, “I was just coming to see how you were”.
“How the f*** do you think I am? I’m stuck in this place, for crying out loud!”
“Well, I guess I didn’t need to ask that.” I returned good-humoredly, approaching the bed warily. I have expected him to throw something at me.
He squinted at me.
“Well, you’re beautiful, you are!” He said in his thick accent. “What do you want from me?”
“I came to ask if you’re having any pain, and if you need any medication for it.”
“You’re medication for my eyes, sweetheart! You ARE a fine looking thing.”
“Thanks.” I laughed, moving some things on his tray.
“You know, if you put on five pounds, you’d be beautiful!” He continued, looking at me critically. “More beautiful, I mean.”
“Well, I’m glad you added that ‘more’” I joked, turning to go in a hurry.
“Now I’d definitely be feeling better if I was married to a young girl like you.” He said. “You just ask Scotty here, and I’ll give you what you want, for whatever you like.”
(And a few more inappropriate comments that I won’t repeat here.)
He pulled a wad of bills from his pocket and thrust them towards me.
“$80.00 is what I go for, that’s not too expensive.”
“Uh….” I took a step back.
“I’d really like it if you’d do a black lace show.” He suggested.
“I don’t think so.” I said good-naturedly, and headed out of his room.
“I’ll see you later!” He called after me.
No, you won’t, I thought as I went out, cause I’m sending the male nurse in to help you get dressed.
On my way back to the nursing station I was stopped by another patient.
“Hello, there! You know, you look exactly like my daughter!”
I smiled. “Well, I’ll take that as a compliment!”
“Oh, it is! She’s beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! And you are the exact spitting image of her. Why, your eyes, your hair, your nose, everything about you! Exactly like her!”
But I certainly hope he didn’t look at his daughter the way he was looking at me.
As I walked past him later in the day he whistled and called out, “Hello, beautiful girl! I can’t get over how much you look like my daughter!”
There were other lines today, too.
Me: “Are you having any pain?”…..Mr. R: “Yes, my eyes hurt every time I look at you, you’re so beautiful.”
Mr. G: “I just woke up from a terrible nightmare!”…..Me: “Oh dear, that’s too bad. Are you feeling any better now?”…. Mr. G: “Well, as soon as I saw you, it ended!”
Mr. B: “Can’t you @#$%#$% nurses leave me alone?”
During my break I locked myself in the bathroom and stood in the front of the mirror, feeling discouraged. Shapeless nursing uniform. Tired eyes. Perhaps they were all blind and crazy. Perhaps I needed to let everything everyone said just roll off my back.
Some days having someone, even a crazy patient, tell you that you are beautiful, is flattering. But then there are other days, like today, when it really does make me want to disappear.