psychosis is hunting me down

I find myself dreaming about being able to sleep. It has become a pseudo-psychotic obsession.I’ve decided to categorize the reasons why I am finding it so hard to get enough sleep here.
First of all there are the owls, doves, katydids, crickets, frogs, goats and birds calling outside my window all night long.
Secondly, there is the sun that shines in at about 6 in the morning, and since I don’t have proper curtains when it shines in my face I wake up.
Thirdly there is the rain. At various times throughout the night it may start raining, and the sound of a Carribean thunder storm on a flat tin roof is loud enough to wake a dead person.
Fourthly there are what I would classify as the random night noises. They include a) my roommate getting up to use the bathroom and flushing the toilet, b) someone in another building flushing a toilet and my toilet flushing in response, c) the air conditioner deciding to turn on or off, d) the fridge deciding to turn on or off, e) the light deciding to turn on or off, f) mosquitoes buzzing around my head, g) security guards randomly deciding to roar across campus in their truck in the middle of the night, h) various shouts, screams, goat calls or gunshots from far away.
And finally, the number one reason of course is that I’m studying so much that I don’t have time to sleep.
But it all catches up eventually. The day before yesterday after classes I got some groceries and cooked dinner. I had envisioned in my mind roasted chicken, salad and potatoes. I got it all ready, and because the air conditioning was off, by the time I was done I was drenched in sweat and irritated and tired and hungry.
The phone rang and my roommate had to take the call. I waited for a while and then finally was too hungry and we started eating without him. The chicken was dry and rubbery, the potatoes were mealy, and there was something funny about the cucumbers in the salad. Then I accidentally knocked over Vem’s cup of coke while trying to kill a large insect and it spilled on the carpet and the bed.
Every night, no matter how I’ve arranged the room, Burton always sits down at my desk and moves my computer and books and puts his dishes there. It has begun to be a little irritating, but I had decided to let it slide. Until this night. He made some sort of joke about Canadians and my cooking and I’d had enough. I opened up the door and pointed out to the porch.
“That’s the way out.”
Both Vem and Burton gave me surprised looks and started to laugh, most likely at the absurdity of me telling a 6’3” football player to get out of my way.
“And just how are you planning on kicking us out?”
I didn’t stop to negotiate, I took hold of the back of his chair and began to drag him towards the door. I fully intended to tip the chair backwards out the door and let him crash over the sill.
“Stop! Stop!” Vem yelled.
The legs of the chair had caught on the vinyl flooring and due to the large amount of effort I had exerted and Burton’s heavy weight, had torn 3 huge gashes in the floor, extending a couple of feet right across the middle of the room. There was a deep silence. I could see engraved in the floor the last vestiges of my damage deposit.
I couldn’t help it, I had to laugh. And Vem graciously told me he’d wash the dishes, which is probably what saved him from having his head cut off. Burton went and got a tube of super glue which he just happened to have, and we got down on our hands and knees and patched the floor together with an entire tube of super glue.
Later in the evening I went out onto the porch and Burton asked me how I was feeling.
You don’t want to ask, I told him, because the tide is out, and if I talk about anything serious I’m just going to start crying. Just don’t talk to me about anything serious when I’m this tired.
“Oh.” He said. “The tide is out. That’s good. I like that rule.”
And he had the good sense to just stop right there.
So, like I said, this sleep deprivation is getting to me. Sometimes I force myself to stay awake and study 5 more minutes, sometimes I ask a classmate to wake me up in 5 minutes so I can keep studying, sometimes I just sit and cry and pray. Learning about mental illness is not helping me stay sane, but that’s okay. Apparently there are some great anti-psychotic medications out there. And they help you sleep.