Security guards..... again

2 minutes into the movie I knew that I didn’t want to watch it. I felt bad because my classmate Vem had gone to so much work setting up a movie night for all the students and professors; he had brought snacks and set up chairs and projected the movie on one of the big screens in the classroom. But I realized I didn’t want to watch it.
I got up and walked outside into the cool night air. Of course now I had to wait for my housemate Burton before I could go home, so I decided that in the meantime I would go for a walk.
When I had lived on campus last semester I went for a walk by myself almost every evening, talking to God and looking at the stars and having some alone time. But now that I lived off campus on a narrow deserted road without a security presence, I hadn’t had much of a chance to enjoy the night air.
I meandered down a lane that went behind the school to a yard full of broken-down rusted old trucks and buses, crumbling buildings and buzzing orange lights. It had been my hiding place last semester where I disappeared from the stresses of life. I stood in the overgrown grass for a while and looked up at the shape of the big dipper and the shimmering moon. Suddenly I saw a very interesting looking metal and cement table, about 6 feet high, that was situated right in the middle of the grass and loomed up like an altar under the buzzing orange lights.
I suddenly had the irresistible urge to climb on top of it. I pulled myself up and clambered on top of it, feeling like I was on top of the world. Hey, this was a perfect spot to pray! I knelt down on it and stretched my arms up to the sky and talked to the Lord.
I was deep in prayer when I suddenly happened to open my eyes and glance sideways a bit. There coming down the road directly towards me, to my great surprise, was a security guard. He was walking straight towards me. There seemed to be no good way to pretend I was doing something else. After all, who kneels on top of a giant cement table in the middle of a junkyard in the middle of the night with their arms stretched to the sky?
There was nothing to do but sit there as he approached.
“Hi.” I said when he got close.
“Hi.” He said, looking up at me.
“How are you?” I asked.
“I’m fine.” He answered. In the dark I could only see the whites of his eyes. “I was just wondering how you were, sitting up here?”
“Oh, I’m fine.” I said.
“That’s good.” He answered.
There was an awkward silence.
“Well, I was just checking if you were okay.” He said lamely.
“Yes, thank you.” I answered.
I watched him walk down the road again. He was probably thinking, what a strange girl.
Since I have considerable experience with security guards I have decided to come up with rules for dealing with them. First of all, when doing embarrassing things in front of security guards, try not to do it in front of the same one more than once. Rotate, if you like.
Secondly, never explain what you are doing. If you can, run as fast as you can. Especially if they have just watched you pee in front of their pickup or do a rain dance in your underwear. If you are stuck on top of a six foot cement table and can’t run, remain calm, maintain your dignity, and leave them thinking that there is nothing unusual about your behavior.

And in case you think all I do is watch movies and scare security guards, I am also doing much more important things here, like having to tow a sailboat to another bay using flippers as paddles; climbing a mountain to go foraging in the wild to collect sugar cane, pomegranates, plums and coconuts, and spelunking in underground bat caves with the owner of the most exclusive resort in the Caribbean. And making sure he got covered in guano from head to toe in the process. But of course, that belongs to another blog entry....