Psalm 145

The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.

I suppose I've staked my life on these verses. If it isn't true, then none of Christianity makes the least bit of sense.
About a year and a half ago I asked God for two things. I told him what they were, I told him they were the only two things I needed. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall, there was not even a whisper of an answer.
And then I had this deep sense inside me, that the two things I was asking for were not what I really needed. What I really needed was God, himself. Not what he could give me but who he is as a person.
I asked God to give me himself.
It's been a journey of faith. Those two things, one of them I am still waiting for. The other one has begun to fall into place. But really, I learned how little that mattered. What matters is that I've come to know a person.
In Antigua one day while I was jogging in the heat of the day, Brendan asked me, Heather, why do you read the bible? Do you just read the stories for interest sake or do you try to follow the rules?
I thought about for a second and I said to him, I read it because it reveals a person. All those pages, they can be taken as a good rule book or an interesting historical collection, and honestly, it's a bit boring if you read if like that. But what the bible was really designed to do is to reveal the person of Jesus. And that's why I read it, because I am in love with him.
Love is complicated. I should know since I've been in love so many times. Confusing, up and down, ridiculous, but totally worth it.