One foot in each world

This weekend I took time to relax, finally. I had been looking forward to it for so long. After classes on Saturday I helped Dr. Rust was organize a BBQ for all the students. She lit 20 lbs of coals in a brick fire pit she’d built, and we lay chicken and burgers on it and I fanned the flames. We had to take refuge in her house during a brief thunder shower but then kept cooking.
All the students and professors came together and we ate dinner and then watched a Tom Cruise movie projected onto the powerpoint screen on the wall. I snuck out of the film after half an hour and went over to Dr. Torres’s house to sing Karaoke.
I sat on the couch with him and Vem and Burton and Leera and Dr. Gilbert and Asa and drank rum and beer and sang Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas is you”.
When we’d sung our hearts out we drove to English Harbor to a club called ‘Life’ that was open-walled to let the breezes through. I danced with Dr. Gilbert and my classmate Sabina and then sat and talked with Dr. Torres, who the more he drank, the more open he became. He told me that my class was the worst class he’d ever taught before. Then him and I fox-trotted together to some crazy Antiguan rap. The rain came down all around us and sounded like thunder on the tin roof.
Burton took me home at 1 or 2, I don’t remember, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and wishing my stomach would settle.
In the morning I cooked bacon and eggs and pancakes. At 11:00 our friend Arnold came and picked us up for church and we sat and stood, sat and stood, throughout the Lutheran service. The power went out towards the end but the girl on the steel drums kept playing and we kept singing. Afterwards I went outside and snuck over to the bell tower and pulled the rope and listened to it clang. (Seriously, those things are loud!)
Later we went to Half Moon Bay, my favorite beach on the island. On the way we stopped at a gas station and Burton accidentally backed up into another car that suddenly appeared behind us. Asa suggested offering the guy some money and Burton suddenly remembered he hadn’t got a driver’s license yet. The owner of the other car looked at his dented car and our broken bumper and shrugged and said, ‘no problem’ and drove away. Only in Antigua, Asa said, only in Antigua do you hit someone’s car and they say ‘no problem’.
At half moon bay we played in the waves for a bit and then I went for a long walk along the shore to the next bay and looked at the stunning wild beauty of it all. Dr. Gilbert eventually joined me and we sat in the next bay together, completely alone on the beach, talking and studying pharmacology. We took turns snorkeling and looking at the schools of fish, jellyfish and eels under the surface. It was incredible. I lay in the waves and it rained for a bit and then cleared up and when the sun went down we walked back to Half moon bay. I drove back home with Dr. Rust and Dr. Gilbert, getting attacked on the way by a cloud of mosquitoes. In a few short minutes as I ran to the car I was bitten 17 times on the back and legs. I look like I have chickenpox.
Today I had an exam and then I came home and was by myself and I walked over to my neighbor’s house to ask him about fixing our car. Mr. Reynolds is an old man with twinkling eyes and more stories than anyone else I’ve ever met. I sat on his porch for an hour and we talked about everything, including him telling me all the sordid details of his multiple relationships over the years. (I certainly learned more than I needed to know!) He told me, Heather, if I was 40 years younger, I would definitely pursue you. Thank you, I said, I’m flattered. You can come and stay here anytime, he said, my door is always open. I will miss you when you go back to Canada.
He gave me four pomegranates from his tree and I fed his dog for him. I had to go back to school where we practiced examining a newborn infant and then inserting a vaginal speculum. Back home I lay by the pool with my pathology textbook and then cooked dinner and now I’m sitting studying and drinking diet coke out of a wineglass.
I will miss it here too. I can hardly believe that I only have a week left here. I told Mr. Reynolds that I will come back on vacation some day. When will that be? He asked.
I don’t know. I don’t much about anything these days.
Do you notice what children do? I asked Burton when we were talking after dinner. When they see something beautiful, they’re all over it. When they want to say something, they say it. They are so filled with joy. They don’t try to keep everything inside and be something they’re not.
If this all sounds disjointed it’s because I am a little bit disjointed these days. There is no continuity between my adventures that helps me organize them in my mind. I have no camera to record the special moments, there is no normalcy here.
Do I want a normal life? Tonight I am feeling that the answer might be yes. Maybe just for a while. But I was not blessed with any semblance of normalcy here in Antigua; I have just been blessed with a serious of unfortunate events, or exciting adventures, depending on how you look at it. And I am learning to respond like a little child and embrace the threads of joy and beauty that are woven through it all.

But while I am living the adventure here, I am still aching for home. Sometimes I think it is in that tumultuous place of joy and sadness that life's most worthwhile experiences lie.